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Life is shaped by how we handle conflict and whom we admire. Our relationships, the battles we choose, and the role models we follow determine the direction of our lives.

Proverbs 3 gives us two critical principles:

1 Stay Away from Quarreling – Choose peace and handle conflict wisely.
2 Choose Carefully Whom You Admire – Be discerning about who influences your life.

Let’s break down these principles and how they apply in real life.

1. Stay Away from Quarreling (Proverbs 3:29-30)

“Do not plan evil against your neighbor, who dwells trustingly beside you. Do not contend with a man for no reason, when he has done you no harm.” – Proverbs 3:29-30

How Conflict Begins

Conflict often starts small: a misunderstanding, a hurt feeling, or a grudge left unchecked. But when allowed to grow, it poisons relationships.

Proverbs warns us about two behaviors:

  • Scheming against a trusting neighbor – This includes gossip, slander, or stirring division.
  • Engaging in unnecessary conflict – Some people argue for sport. They turn minor issues into major battles.

Does that sound familiar? Have you ever wasted time in a pointless argument, only to regret it later?

Be Peacemakers, Not Pot-Stirrers

Jesus said:

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." – Matthew 5:9

There’s a difference between a peacekeeper and a peacemaker:

A peacekeeper avoids conflict at all costs, even when truth is at stake.
A peacemaker works to restore relationships, even when it’s difficult.

Peacemakers don’t stir up tension; they calm it.
Peacemakers don’t delight in arguments; they seek solutions.
Peacemakers don’t generate hostility; they shine light.

How can you be a peacemaker today?

Handling Conflict Wisely: Five Practical Steps

1 Check Your Heart First (Matthew 7:3)

  • Are you acting out of pride or hurt?
  • Own your part before confronting someone else.

2 Go Directly to the Person (Not to Others) (Matthew 18:15)

  • Don’t gossip—speak privately and humbly.
  • Ask yourself: Do I want peace or just to be right?

3 Watch Your Words (Proverbs 15:1)

  • Harsh words escalate conflict.
  • A calm response invites resolution.

4 Be Quick to Forgive (Colossians 3:13)

  • Bitterness poisons you more than anyone else.
  • Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing sin—it means freeing your heart.

5 Seek Wise Counsel if Needed (Matthew 18:16)

  • If the conflict isn’t resolving, bring in a mature believer or pastor for guidance.

Who do you need to make peace with today?

Choose Your Battles Wisely

Proverbs 3:30 – "Do not contend with a man for no reason, when he has done you no harm."

Not every disagreement is worth a fight.

Before you argue, ask:

  • Is this worth it? → Or am I just reacting emotionally?
  • Will this bring someone to Christ or just prove my point?
  • Am I representing Jesus well in how I respond?

Paul gives this wisdom:

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” – Romans 12:18

What argument do you need to let go of today?

2. Choose Carefully Whom You Admire (Proverbs 3:31-32)

“Do not envy violent people or copy their ways. Such wicked people are detestable to the Lord, but he offers his friendship to the godly.” – Proverbs 3:31-32

Who Influences You?

The people we admire shape who we become.

Who do you look up to?

  • The world idolizes power, wealth, and fame—but these don’t equal wisdom.
  • If you admire the ruthless, you will justify ruthlessness.
  • If you admire godliness, you will pursue godliness.

Proverbs warns us: Don’t admire the wrong people.

Practical Application: Who Are Your Role Models?

Before you admire someone, ask:

1 Do they reflect Christ’s character? Or do they compromise integrity?
2 Do they use their influence to serve others, or to serve themselves?
3 Does their success make me more like Jesus—or less?

If you admire the wrong people, you’ll become the wrong person.

Be Careful What You Glorify

"What we glorify, we justify."

  • If you glorify greed, you will justify dishonesty.
  • If you glorify power, you will justify stepping on others.
  • If you glorify godliness, you will seek righteousness.

Instead of envying the wicked, take the long view.

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” – James 4:6

Final Challenge: Who Are You Following?

You want a role model worth following? Look to Jesus.

  • He didn’t climb to the top by pushing others down—He humbled Himself to lift others up.
  • He wasn’t rich in money—He was rich in mercy.
  • He didn’t exploit people for power—He gave His life to serve others.
  • And unlike earthly rulers, His kingdom never ends.

Are the people influencing you making you more like Jesus—or less?

Conclusion: A Call to Action

Proverbs 3 has given us two life-changing principles:

Avoid unnecessary conflict—choose peace.
Be careful who you admire—follow godly influences.

Reflection Questions:

  • Do I need to make peace with someone today?
  • Am I handling conflict wisely—or stirring the pot?
  • Are my role models leading me toward Christ or away from Him?

Wisdom isn’t automatic—it’s a choice.

What step will you take today to live more wisely?